April 09, 2006
Britni - 25
Los Angeles, CA
1 son (6 mo)
This weekend I got a glimpse of what life might look like if my beloved has to go upstate. My family went out of town, so it’s just me and the little one. Although I love having the place to ourselves, I must admit it’s a bit lonely.
I love my son, but there are only so many times I can play peak-a-boo. There are only so many stories I can read. Only so many times I can dance him around the room until I need a break. Who do you turn to when there’s no one to give you a break? I don’t mean that I need a babysitter, I have one. But just an hour or two, a nap, a chance to read a magazine, some alone time so I can regroup and play with him again. Times like these I wish my beloved were here.
What am I saying? I wish he were here all the time. I wish he could play with our son. I wish we could pack up the car and head to the park for a day out. I wish he could give him a bath. Anything. Everything.
Today the little one and I went to target to pick up a few things. When I go to target I love to look around at everything and I usually spend way too much money. But today, I browsed the home stuff—curtains, bedding, bathroom goodies, etc., and all I kept thinking about was “When _____ comes home we’ll decorate our house really nicely.” I kept thinking about our apartment in Brooklyn, and how we picked out everything together. How we decorated it, carried it from Ikea in Jersey (on the subway) and adorned our place the way we wanted.
I miss that. I miss having my own space.
I love my mom for letting me stay and save money, but there’s nothing like having your own space. I feel like our life is on pause. There are so many things I’d like to do, namely move into our own apartment, but I can’t. I don’t want to do anything big until I know what’s going to happen with my beloved. So I wait. And I wish.
*Britni talks about motherhood at http://www.theprisonerswife.blogspot.com