Thursday, March 16, 2006

What's in a name?

November 12, 2005

Jasai - 30
Los Angeles, CA
2 children - 1 boy (10), 1 girl (4)


“When I have a son I'm gonna name him Joseph Darnell Curtis Zephryn Morris.”

This is what my ten-year-old son tells me this morning during a pause in his weekend chores.

I lose my breath.

Does this mean that he is going to abandon his children like the namesakes he calls upon to guide his would-be child’s way in the world. Poor baby; great-grandfather, grandfather, father, gone. Will the male inherits of my family be doomed to the curse of wandering and irrepressible selfishness? Should I know that like hair texture and eye color, propensity-to-leave is what comes with the package labeled “who we are” and it was simply that first choice of procreating with ‘him’ that has lead me to this. I have to believe something else. I have to believe it or I will be forever grieved.

How does this happen? What is it that makes this precarious, invisible connection so dense and weighty?



*names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to admit that I would have never thought of it as a fitting tribute to people who have decided generationally to not be there for the children who need and obviously love them so strongly.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Trula said...

Oh wow that was deep! I would have caught my breath too. but like leslie said maybe he is just trying to connect with his people, even though they decided to leave.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

he is aa brilliant baby too bad for those missing...aunti nunu loves u

4:30 PM  
Blogger A Girl Again said...

he absolutely is!

4:40 PM  
Blogger upwords said...

Jasai,
I hear you on that weighty wonder of who your son will become, but can I tell you what I heard in this name?

When I have a son, I will start something new and something old, bringing the good of the men I've never known with my own good, my own love. With my son, I will begin a new legacy. With my son, I will remember, I will dream, but I will stay.

That part, the part that counts, he got from you.

Be blessed Mama.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Brotha Buck said...

Maybe your son will lead the way to change.

1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That "...weighty and dense matter" you speak of is an intrinsic connection young men make with their fathers; it is an inalienable right of sons to Deify their fathers even though the character of the aforementioned may be from reprehensible depths.

In reference to their fathers, "This one is mine" echoes the mantra of all young men who have yet to know the pain suffered by their mothers in their conception... labor not withstanding.

A boy’s father is his Birthright. Any other man that comes along later--although handsome, great genes and has a cool last name--is a frustrating imposition, a disenfranchisement of sorts and a betrayal to him by his maternal ally. Nothing could be more dense and weighty.

8:58 PM  
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5:56 PM  

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