Saturday, March 11, 2006

The Little Match Girl

Anonymous - 32
Los Angeles, CA
3 children - 2 boys (10) (11 mo), 1 girl(6)

I am a woman, wife and mother, in awe of a man’s mind. A tangible man, an easily accessible man.

A man who is not my husband.

This poses some true challenges. How to excavate a beautiful and promising intellectual companionship when the only tools you have at your immediate disposal are ones that you know will surely and permanently destroy everything?


Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:15 PM  
Anonymous schunetta burns-wilson said...

all i can say is wow & thats deep as real as I know it to b its not worth....those are just qualities that u can see DONT TRESPASS

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Calvin said...

I guess that I will be the dissenting voice.

 How it can work.

Let your husband know of your plans to cultivate this intellectual relationship with this man. Beyond anything else, this is the key. If your husband is secure in what your plans are, and you are able to talk openly about this new relationship, you should be o.k.

 Be able to check yourself.

If you are telling yourself that it is all intellectual and you are catchin feelins, than you are lying. As much as people say that an affair “just happened”, they know when it is going down. In fact, you can often trace the exact moment when it started to going wrong.

As soon as you lie or deceive your husband, or ignore the situation for what it really is, you WILL destroy everything.

 The idea is still healthy.

No one person can be another person’s everything. Healthy relationships outside of your relationship with your husband can help you grow as a couple, and broaden your experiences as a couple

4:24 PM  
Blogger Trula said...

I am assuming by tools you mean sexual seduction, your body, your attractiveness, etc...which shows you what your intentions really are. Cut the 'intellectual relationship' are only fooling yourself. You want to get his drawers, to be blunt. It's obvious to me just reading your post. Back away, your husband and your kids deserve better. and you desrve better than to fall into something that could wreck your marriage because you deceived yourself at the start.

7:14 PM  
Anonymous jasai said...

This kind of situation is frightening and uncomfortable. The truth is, who we find ourselves attracted to is often a complete surprise to us, yet every action in response to that realization is within your control.

Be honest with your spouse. Most people (both men and women) have found themselves in similar situations. Take care to be aware of your husband’s capacity to hear what you are experiencing. But I think it would be wise for him to give you a space to share this so that it does not become some sort of idealized, romanticized relationship stuck in that solitary place in your head. Give it some air. Put a bright light on it. Examine it. I think what you may find is under the glare of reality and right out in the open next to every other thing that is of great value to you, it shrinks down to nothing.

Another thing... none of this will be easy. It will be very hard. But it will be worth it.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Brotha Buck said...

I finally took a second to bookmark your blog, cause I love it's vibe.

10:18 PM  
Anonymous jasai said...

we love you too brotha buck. you have a loyal new fan in my husband!

10:22 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

make sure you save some matches for when it's cold.

we often use our resources/tools for when we think we think we need entertainment, company, a shoulder to lean on, or a lent ear. In fact we need those resources for our own disposable and more time sensitive moments, an emotional crisis in our primary relationship, the flat out blues.

the image of the little match girl is often depicted by someone who is frozen on the steps of the church, one who almost makes it to salvation....

throw matches, get burnt!

11:42 PM  
Anonymous anonymous said...

that was really deep it shocked me i get so inspired by the too was inspiring because i have felt that way but thats whn I can thank God the most for conviction and be reminded my vows are made unto the Lord as well

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Gloria said...

“Little Match Girl” the thing about Being Mama Daily, and even being wifey daily is that there are going to be times when the grass is going to be looking hella green on the other side.

Sure the smart guy is going to seem appealing for his smartness. Hell the brotha is probably fine, but what he is not is the man that is there for you and your kids. With the new guy, like any new guy, you don’t have to share in the pangs of raising a family, paying the bills, cooking, cleaning, and still putting in the work to salvage some sort of romantic relationship with the man at home. Because with everything else going on in our day-to-day life, that last part (being romantic with your man) is the real work.

Try taking some of that build up you have for the new booty and shine it on the husband, and tell us how that looks.

Marriage is work. It is not what they taught us on T.V.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Supa said...

Whoa. Deep! Been there.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

The temptation says a lot about the intention...are you willing to deal with the consequences that will surely come as a result of your intentions? Boundaries exsist for a reason, intentions tell the story, and all may not be well in the end.
Believe in what you have with your spouse enough to proceed cautiously.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Little Match Girl said...

I don't think it's fair to say that temptation says a lot about intention. I love my husband. And I intend to stay out of harms way. That is why I am trying to see my way clear through this. But I can not pretend that it is not happening. I do not want anything to take place that would hurt him or my family. Is there no way to keep and cultivate this relationship in a safe way? Is there no answer to this question?

-Little Match Girl

6:34 PM  
Anonymous schunetta burns-wilson said...

wow little match girl there is a way that seemeth right...and that is what u are lookin for. Someone to make it seem right for u...NO the only right thing for u @ this point is to flee from the temption which is the man...sadly u have already committed the sin because the thoughts are there....Never the less u have hope because Jesus forgives and wants to help not seek our help look to the Lord trust me...been there done that

10:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beware Lil' Match Girl!

The Whispers said it best in their song Lost & Turned Out..."Olivia misled, got distracted on her way to Grandmama's house...a wolf in lamb's clothing came, blew her mind and changed her ways, now she's turned out; Lost and turned out...

Don't be a misled, honey. If it is intellectual stimulation you seek, there are lots of intellectual women; hook up with them. Take a class and get inspired by your professor and the intellectuals you meet on campus. There is no shortage of intellectual minds.

Speaking of that, you say you are in awe of a man's mind. That is the same as saying you are in awe of that man, because his mind is who he is. Tell your husband that you met a man who you find extremely attractive, not his body and face, but his mind and you want to get to know his mind better. See what his reaction is. He might tell you that he has met a woman that he feels the same way about. Then check out your reaction to that. If you feel threatened in any way, then you know what you feel for this man is more than "intellectual attraction" and you will rightly suspect that what your husband feels for that woman is more than "intellectual attraction."

Bottom line, you are playing with fire. Married women and men should shy away from forming new (meaning I didn't know you before I was married) emotional, intellectual and physical relationships with the opposite sex. You have too much to lose and very little to gain.

Water your own grass if you want it to be greener.

10:35 AM  
Blogger upwords said...

You've been left a lot of wisdom. I hesitate to add anything, but let me say this:

It takes the same energy to light the home fires as it does to send your flame abroad (or a broad). The only difference is that when the wind kicks up, those "friendly fires" run wild and burn up everything you've got.

As smart as you sound, I doubt you married a dumb man. Ask yourself what you're really needing. Ask your husband how to give it too you.

Whatever you do, don't dig up that mummy. Instead, dig down deep, between your toes, in the place where your thighs meet, where your dreams whisper, and pull up your love.

9:36 PM  
Blogger :her soledad: said...

Now GIRL, you know I'm about to take the above advice and shove it deep in my own pockets, in case I ever need it. I felt that so strongly for her, that I'm sure it will work for me (heaven forbid I need it!)

9:52 PM  
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