breathless. speechless. grieved.

April 24, 2006

Jasai - 30
Los Angeles, CA
2 children - 1 boy (11), 1 girl (5)


My girlfriend just wrote me and told me that a woman whom I knew well, through and old job, lost her daughter. It took a few moments for it to register, but then it did.

I recall the day it was first whispered at work. Later that week I saw her walk by my office. She did not look her usual lively self, so I called her in. Her baby, her beautiful teenage daughter, just heading off to college, had brain cancer.

She seemed less distressed than me. Her daughter had beat cancer before as a child, and they had the best brain surgeon in world - literally - on the case. This news let me breathe more easily. I googled brain cancer and this doctor incessantly, and I prayed. I left that job shortly thereafter.

That was more than two years ago. And this news, all of these months later sliced me open and gutted me like a fresh fish. I have a daughter. She is five and having her in my life was like having a precious jewel placed in the center of my eye. It is the way I see her no matter what she does or how I feel. I can not imagine this kind of loss…………

Yet my whole heart goes out to my mama-friend who lost her best friend and baby girl. My heart goes out to every mother who has lost a child. May God keep you in his perfect care. Keep your heart in his able hands.