Thursday, February 23, 2006

Go ahead, ask me. I dare you.

February 20, 2006

Robin - 31,
Raleigh, NC
1 son (2)

I love my job.
I love my husband.
I love my little boy. He turned 2 in January. He is a joy.

But ohhhh...

Some days I want to come home and not have anything or anybody need something from me. The dog needs me to take him outside, the baby needs his diaper changed and he needs a cup of juice and he needs a snack and he wants to watch the Wiggles and dinner needs to be cooked, dishes need to be washed and put away, the kitchen floor needs to be swept and the laundry needs finishing, the bed sheets need changing, the bathrooms need cleaning, my husband needs me to proofread his website or give him advice on his business, his mother needs us to help her move to her new house, my dad needs me to call him at least once a week, my emotionally needy friends need me to listen to their potential life mistakes but not offer any con
trary advice. The first time I sit down is at dinner while I eat. Nobody even thinks to ask what I NEED or WANT…..

I need to pee when I first get home.

But I am mama and I must persevere. I must take a deep breath, and do all that is asked of me. Some days are better than others of course, and it’s nothing I would consider walking away from.

But sometimes I feel like screaming.


Anonymous KK said...

Oh I know the feeling!
Men especially don't seem to realize the demands placed on us every single moment of the day.
Can I breathe??

8:08 AM  
Anonymous jasai said...

I think it is imperative that we SAY the words "Baby I need your help with this..and this." I know it sounds like an excuse at inaction but most men do not even have our daily grind on their minds.

We have to help them help us. And someitmes we have to say "No." or maybe, "Not this time, sorry." or maybe "Not right now," depending on the request.

I like, and often use, "Get away from me!"

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Kelz said...

I'm a mama with 3 sons and sometimes I feel like they tag teaming me, especially when I first come into the house. My only request is before you start asking, let me take my shoes off first.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous britni said...

i FEEL you on that!

10:16 AM  
Blogger upwords said...

Girl, I feel you. Everybody needs something from Mama. Every now and then I lock myself in the bathroom... LOL He won't be two forever. Hang in.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Gay said...

And all the ladies said: "Amen"!

2:32 PM  
Blogger alex said...

Let me just say from a man’s point of view. If you are not asking me to do something, I don’t even know that something needs to be done. I am going to figure that you are doing you, which will leave me room to do me.

Alternate who is doing what on any given night.

Try it out.

And for god sakes, at least stop for a toilet break.

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Angel said...

I agree wholeheartedly about cultivating the practice of saying, "No," "Not right now," or "Okay, but first I need to [fill in the blank with something you must do for yourself]." Because the truth is your son is only two now, but soon enough he'll be six or seven with homework and projects and an extra-curricular activity that he'll want to pursue. Not to mention another child (if you and your husband so choose). Life gets busier and busier as children get older (I have a nine and five year old) and I think children and families and friends need to learn early on that mother is not synonymous with machine.

I agree also that most men -- and people in general -- do not think of the other person's "grind" as jasai says and a simple reminder, in a non-offensive way will help them to realize that one person can't be everybody's everything.

Lastly, what has helped me is to carve out a "Mama Only" space. A super small little den with just enough space for a small futon, desk and chair and t.v. with t.v. stand has become my sacred space -- where I write, read, knit, light candles or just chill. I keep a little hand sewn sign on the knob that says Do Not Disturb when I need some quiet time for me. I don't even talk on the phone in my den. It's just that sacred. My family laughed about it but I stuck to my resolve and now they really respect it. It's been a true joy.

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Gyamfua said...

Oh My Goodness that's how I feel RiGHT NOW!!!

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