Saturday, February 18, 2006

What she'll see when she looks up

February 10, 2006

Deidre – 22
Los Angeles, CA
1 daughter (3 months)

When people say, “babies change everything” they are so right. Mostly.

My mother and I have never really been close. There have been times when I really needed her and she was too busy with work or her church. At times she has even suggested that I go to other people for help, so I didn’t expect her to be interested in my pregnancy. To my surprise she was.

Reluctantly I allowed her to be a part of my life and spent some time with her. I started to think that maybe I was important to her.

On November 3rd I called my mother to let her know that my daughter, Leah Rose had arrived.

Work # - No answer.

Cell # - No answer.

I kept calling...

I Gave up.

I called my dad. He was there in fifteen minutes. A few hours later I hear from my mother. She tells me she’ll be there after her vanpool gets her to Pasadena.

But not right away.

She has to go to Bible Talk meeting before she can come see her first granddaughter. I was amazed.

Kellie always first.

Am I ever on her radar?


Blogger Leslie said...

I grew up in the fast lanes of Inglewood, CA and it wasn't until my parents relocated to Kansas that they realized how overloaded with work, church, school boards etc. they'd been. When given the option of silence and stillness in the new environment it was then they discovered what had been missing. My mother and I have often discussed the what if's in our lives...what matters now is that there is a discussion, an acknowledgment and a regret that relationships were not nurtured more carfully. Communicating how I'd felt in my youth & how it was effection me in adulthood opened the door for a new experiences with her. I hope you find the keys to unlock the doors of those tuff discussions --- your world will open up!

2:08 PM  
Blogger Brotha Buck said...

I think my daughter was kind of surprised at my wifes sort of uninterest in being grandma. But, our situation was kinda "special." Were all working to fix the situation.

9:02 AM  
Anonymous jasai said...

As family is really all we have at the end of the day, working to fix any situation (even acknowleging the need for a fix) is the best first step.

9:44 AM  
Blogger upwords said...

Thank you for sharing this "mama hurt" with me. As one who came through that experience and now has children of my own, let me say that motherhood doesn't always make sense. We don't always respond as we should or like we even want to. Sometimes numb ourselves with people, places and things to keep from dealing with our own issues. Your mother loves you. Know that. :) Love your baby and give things time. Congratulations.

2:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow...i can't imagine!

i'm so glad my mom & grandma are always there for me & my Little one...I pray that one day your mom takes a break & realizes what she's missing.

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel you, my mom did not want ot comoe to my baby shower, her only daughters first baby shower even when i had my best friend throw it in my hometown so especially so my mother could come. She said she did not have a gift and she could not show up empty handed although she just bought a $30 cell phone. She also did not attempt to come for the birth of my son although I was in labor for 23 hrs and she only lives 1 1/2 hrs away. I guess they will look up one day but my baby's two and my mother has not looked up yet, I pray yours does.

5:14 AM  
Blogger Gay said...

Congratulations Deidre, on the birth of your precious baby daughter. I remember the warm and loving feelings that flowed from me to mine (twin girls), when they were little ones :)
I am so sure your mom felt it too, when you were a "lil' bitty one".
I don't know what happened in your mom's life between those early years with you and this day, but try not to be so hard on her. I've learned you have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you can judge their motives with any accuracy. You don't say how old she was (or young) when she gave birth to you, but that may have some bearing on her actions. I was 37 years old when my twins were born 10 years ago and I have cherished them from day one. Maybe it is because I had all of my schooling, partying, and living the life I wanted to live behind me when they were born. If a party or occasion (be it work or social) came up, I didn't feel I needed to take advantage of that opportunity. I chose to stay at home with my girls and watch a Barney video and drink hot chocolate, or go outside with them and look at the stars and make a wish, or some other activity of their choice. I was not then and am not today, driven by some internal thing that says, "you're missing out if you don't go here or there, or meet these people, or take advantage of this opportunity for promotion, etc. Been there, done that: don't need it. I encourage you to love your mom, and give her the benefit of the doubt. You are a parent now, and you will find one day (sooner than you think), that parenting is more than a notion. Do the best you can with it, and leave room for your mom to come in and fit in, when she can. It is in your daugher's interest and yours, too.
God bless you.

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