Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Approaching Zion - Pt. 1



Anonymous - 30
New York, USA
Approaching Zion (5 weeks along)

Jasai,
Hi. I just got through reading your blog and Being Mama Daily and I felt the need to talk to you. I don't know if you remember but about two weeks ago, I responded to a comment you left in my journal and I was pretty vague. In complete confidence, I just wanted to talk to you a bit about your experiences as a mother. I know your last entry said that you are married. I was wondering if you were married with your first child as well…
quiet quiet quiet: but I just found out that I'm five weeks pregnant. And your last comment [you look beautiful and happy in these photos] caught me right when I was trying to decide what I was going to do. The site and the stories and a combination of other things led me to make the decision to be a mother. The timing is all wrong and it's the last thing I would have chosen but it chose me for a reason.
I'm just reaching out to all the mamas I can find because I'm so conflicted and confused but still somehow feel like I'm doing the right thing despite feeling like I have nothing to offer this child right now.
So yeah… I would love to talk to you about this if that's okay.
Thanks,
A

*This new mama needs a bit of our shelter, warmth, light.

25 Comments:

Anonymous Idrissa said...

Anonymus: Three months after ending a five-year relationship; I discovered that I was pregnant. It was not the right time but for many reasons, I decided to become a mama.

Now; 26 years later, I am so happy that I made the decesion to become mama even though I had to wing it on my own with just my faith in God and my common sense. Smiles. Call on me anytime at idrissa1@juno.com

8:21 PM  
Anonymous angel said...

Anonymous:

The right time only exists in those Early Pregnancy Test commercials where everyone's smiling in a four bedroom home surrounded by a white picket fence with a golden retriever wagging his tail by the front gate. Even for those who are married, I'm not sure there's ever a such thing as feeling READY. Adding another life to any equation is a serious matter, no matter who you are.

The only thing you ever really know is your heart and your heart won't lead you wrong in whatever you choose. If you choose to be a mother, believe me, it is the most faith-filled journey you will ever experience. It will lead you to a greater understanding of humanity and yourself. I don't think you'll ever KNOW the answers in words....when you're trying to find the right daycare or the right school or the right teacher....you will only know in your heart.

If you choose to become a mother, begin now the practice of trusting your heart.

May the Creator bless your every thought and desire,

ANGEL

9:42 PM  
Anonymous schunetta burns-wilson said...

This is so touching and fit for me being that I have recently prayed for motherhood....I recently had a miscarriage and I know it was best but I have to also reflect to my younger days when I didnt even consider I just made a decision that could have caused me to go thru what I did.. But that is life please love it and love yourelf more for being able to carry & create a life

8:05 AM  
Blogger ebony said...

It hurts my heart when women say they have nothing to offer a child. You have YOU. This child chose you to be the vessel in which to travel into being and you are enough. The other stuff (diapers, formula, clothes, etc.) will come. You have made the right step by reaching out to other mamas, they can be your most valuable resource.

8:15 AM  
Blogger the prisoner's wife said...

Sis,

when i found out i was preggo last year, i had just lost my job, was still in grad school & my child's father (who was also in school & only working temp gigs), was saying that perhaps it wasn't the right time becuase we couldn't support a baby. furthermore i had no health insurance & all i had was a few student loan refund checks & my parent's support to shoulder a $1400/month rent payment.

talk about not the right time.

i called, made an abortion apointment because i wasn't married & my family is pretty traditional. but i couldn't go through with it. i KNEW i could raise this child & provide for him inspite of what seemed like desparate circumstances. i went online, found free health care programs in NYC, filed for unemployment, finished grad school, had a couple of temp gigs...and just enjoyed being pregnant (without the stress of working).

my son is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO beautiful. i can't imagine him not being here. my beloved and i were talking about that the other day. we agreed that we made the right choice by having him (in spite of what we were up against) when i was 8 months preggo i got a job (lol) & they allowed me to take leave and return to work on my own time.

like Angel said, it is rarely "the right time"...but everything happens for a reason. i am a big believer in God not giving us more than we can handle, and sis...trust me & trust youself...you can handle it (and you have so much to offer!).

is it hard being a mommy? yes. but is it worth it? God yes!

if you need words of encouragement (or have questions or anything), feel free to email me.

theprisonerswife@gmail.com

be blessed

9:30 AM  
Blogger Chosen said...

I remember when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was 17 and I knew that my little part time job would barely cover what I would need. But somehow I knew G-d would provide and he has. His father and I broke up and he has never laid eyes on this child other than in photos. It's been frustrating, painful and the absolutely the best decision that I have ever made. That child, through whatever I have been through as a result of my decision, made me who I am today.

9:46 AM  
Blogger Unsaid said...

I found out I was pregnant with my son after I had already broken up with his father. I made the appointment to terminate the pregnancy and then absolutely could not go through with it. I say this to say...you will know. Follow that feeling inside you and choose. There are no mistakes.

You always have love to offer. The things that love will make/enable you to do are amazing!

6:35 PM  
Anonymous jasai said...

I decided to pull up a bit of good karma for you from "Instant Karma" (super, by the way. written by Barbara Ann Kipfer) and it told me to tell you...."Breathe in and out three times and watch time slow down"

Sometimes when the stakes are high and our energy is low, we forget to do the simplest, most vital things. Sometimes as mamas we just need time to stop movin', if only to catch that next breath.

keep breathin' mama.

xoj

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Children are great gift from GOD, be honored that He has give you a gift. Cherish that child and give it back to Him and He will bless you.

9:46 PM  
Anonymous jasai said...

Oftentimes, before we can attempt to embrace the honor we have to get a firm grip on the reality.

9:55 PM  
Anonymous Mahogany Luv said...

Regardless of the decision you chose to make. I want you to know that you are always enough!! You will never receive more than you can bare -- there will be times you have to ask for help -- and even that is okay. The main thing any child need is LOVE! Trust in God and yourself!

When I found out I was pregnant -- I did not feel ready! I didn't have a job, just broke up with her father, and was embrassed because I wasnt' married nor was he the "type" of person people expected me to be dating.

She has been my biggest blessing!!!

8:31 PM  
Blogger HeatherRainbow said...

(((Anonymous)))

I am a mother, and I lost my daughter to adoption. It wasn't the right time for me either, so I thought. Everyone was telling me what to do, what God wanted me to do, what society expected me to do.

Now I realize, though too late, that I had been pregnant, and had a baby, because I was meant to be her mother. Now, I can't have children, because the trauma of separation has left me unable to have more children.

Sometimes, I think that our babies pick us, because they see some special wonderful quality that we have (whether we can see them or not), and so, it is a gift from God, to be a mother. And, no other person will understand your baby the way you understand them, because they are a part of you, and you a part of them, even after you give birth to them.

((((Hugs)))) You'll be a wonderful mom.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Single Ma said...

{{hugs}}

I agree with everyone who stated there is never a "right time" to have a child...except on TV or in the movies. My daughter was conceived during my senior year of high school when I was only 16. I'd already been accepted to a prestigious university and offered a partial scholarship. Her father was controlling and overbearing so I knew it wouldn't last. Everyone expected me to drop out of school and assumed I would go on welfare and do nothing with my life.

I considered terminating the pregnancy more times than I care to remember...from 7 weeks through the 2nd trimester. I can't even explain what made me change my mind. To be honest, I was so distraught during the first six months (so I know exactly how you feel right now) that it's all a blur. What I do know is that God provided for all of my needs (I know it sounds cliche' but it's the truth) and I'm so glad I decided to keep her.

I graduated high school in June and gave birth to a healthy baby girl in July. Yep, my pot belly walked across that stage (lol)! *hmph* Her father and I broke up when she was 2 and she's now almost 14, so I've been a single mom most of her life. My Baby Girl is my reason for living because she brings me so much joy.

My future plans were postponed, but not forgotten. With God's direction, forgiveness, and unconditional love, I managed to pursue and achieve every one of my goals. Now I have a strong desire to use my life as an example to encourage others like me to do the same. Please feel free to email me (singlema at gmail dot com) if you ever need anything or visit my blog (singlemomandmoney.blogspot.com) to read about my financial experiences as a single mom.

Lastly, you may think you have nothing to offer, but all a child needs is patience and unconditional love. The first is the hardest but it comes with time...trust me (lol). As for the latter, I'm sure you have a little bit of that spare. ;-)

Happy Mother's Day sweetie!

Single Ma

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As you can see Sistah, QUITE a few of us on here understand...i was 22, in college, unmarried, and found out I was pregnant. 12 years later, STILL single, battling depression on the regular...but so grateful that I am a mother to this PHENOMENAL human being. I had no money, no job, no car, and also wondered WHAT I could give him. I didn't even have the VILLAGE of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or friends... but now, 12 years later...I am soo grateful that I became a mother to this REMARKABLE human being. I gave him all the love I could muster. I gave him a value system. I gave him soccer and piano lessons, and play dates with any and every kid I saw. I gave him books and legos and the encouragement to speak up, look people in the eyes, treat ALL humans like they count. I gave him a sense that God is bigger and more, and in his very breath. I gave him the freedom to become his own person. Through ME the power and presence of the DIvine is walking around. So sistah, I MUST beg to differ. You have a WORLD to give this baby. The things that MATTER are immaterial and eternal... salina, steecha@aol.com

9:17 PM  
Anonymous mama approaching zion said...

Wow. You all have been amazing. I can not begin to thank you enough for what you've shared with me. So many stories are eerily similar to mine.
And there is enough in all of the stories to have me wonder why I was doubting. This is going to be the most difficult journey of my life but
I'm so grateful to be part of not only this community but the friends
I've shared this with were quick to jump up and shout, "When have you ever been alone?!"

A very good friend of mine passed away in December and he and I spoke about children. He was gay so he always dreamed of being a father but knew that it would take more than just jumping up to do it. We had a conversation one day years ago and he turned to me and he said, "You know what? I think you're going to be first." I never wanted children. Ever. Ever. Ever. So I just laughed and told him he was talking crazy. I realized a few weeks ago that this child would be born about a week after he left us and there's so much of him surrounding me right now and so much of him that has held me up that this just feels like the right thing.

I'm trying to take it one day at a time and breathe through it all but I'm doing it. And in a few weeks (after I tell my family) I hope to be just as loud and proud as the rest of you. The father is being very unkind and I’m trying not to think of him or that it's difficult because he's just not the man that I’ve known all these years but I'm grateful for all the men in my life who have stepped up and said, "This child will not be fatherless. Don't even think of that." And I'm grateful to you all.

Thank you Jasai and prisonerswife (Who inadvertently found me an apartment Friday!) for everything.

Happy Mother's Day!

10:34 PM  
Blogger bombsoverbaghdad said...

Wow. I'm a black father of a 7 month old boy, and this is powerful stuff.

Please please please keep the baby!!

I'm sad to hear of so many broken relationships. Men and women need to stay togther, not split up, when there is a pregnancy!!

10:21 AM  
Blogger Trula said...

Oh Anonymous! I understand everything you are going through. You have my best wishes and compassion. I am so happy that you chose to have this baby. It will be all right.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Cheri said...

Dear Anon;
Being a single-parent has been the most-difficult and most-blessed thing I've ever done. God worked the greatest miracles in me, through the love I have for my sons, and later for other youth who I've grown to love. One son is 26 and and the other close to 16, now. I don't know who or what my life would've been without them, but I know with certainty I've grown into a much better person because I chose to keep them...
God Bless...
Cheri

6:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From one anonymous to another, I want to say: Anonymous you are so blessed to be given the honor of carrying a child. It is a privilege not given to all, so that alone should make you stand tall.

Pregnancy, with all of its changes is still an awesome experience. To be chosen by God to co-create with Him a new life and given the honor of raising up that new life to become an individual who is useful to God in this world is awesome beyond description. You will learn so much about yourself in these next few months. Take it all in. Enjoy it all. It may be your first and last pregnancy, so don't let the wonders of it escape you.

If your family is not supportive when they find out you are expecting, that's okay. In time, they will come around. Don't get caught up in other people's attitudes and judgements. Enjoy this time in your life. It's awesome. God bless you.

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