Friday, July 07, 2006

Where, Oh Where has My Babygirl Gone....

Angela - 39
Columbus, OH
1 daughter (16)

Yesterday I had a scare at the airport.

I was there to pick up MyKiddo. So, I'm standing outside the gate waiting. I'm on my cell phone and I'm trying to position myself so that she will see me as soon as she turns the corner. So I wait a few MyKiddo.

Suddenly this young woman comes up to me from behind. She resembles MyKiddo but she is "grown up", fingernails done, hair done, looking all pulled together in a casual "I'm a damn college student way." Lord have mercy! So I say to her, in disbelief, "Who do you think you are?" (after hugs and kisses) She just laughed because she knew exactly what I meant.

Let me explain.

I am having a hard time accepting that my daughter is going to graduate from high school next year. I keep telling her she's in the 7th grade, and I don't want to hear anything different. Now, I'm the mom that started taking this kid to college fairs when she was in the 8th grade. I have made it clear that not only will she go to college, she will go away to college. "Be independent. Live your life. You will be on your own soon. Blah Blah Blah." I have always told her she would be on her own after college and how I didn't want her to come back home. Get your own

Now that the hour is swiftly approaching I'm working my way up to a nervous breakdown. I feel like this time has flown. She grew up so fast. What If I didn't teach her some important thing, what if she doesn't do well. What if she's lonely. What if she goes away and stays away. What if she makes some of the same mistakes I've made. What if she kills someone and goes to jail. What if she gives all of her money away to a homeless person with a sad story. I know it's crazy but I think of these things.

MyKiddo is a well adjusted child. She's smart and even tempered (despite me being the hot head that I am). She will be fine. And she knows her mother. So she knows, "Who do you think you are?" really means, "Do you think you are grown, and you can make it without me? Well sure you can, I taught you to do just that. But, please don't leave me!" I thought only children experience separation anxiety. I'm thinking of following her out of state to college, or feigning some illness that will require her to stay home to take care of me.

I know, I need prayer. You people with children, y'all feel me?


Anonymous Mandi said...

I just soooooooooo LOVE that article. I am a mother of two (8 and 4) and I wish for the day of their departures to life the independent. As reading this article I now understand what my mother feels. I am 29 with a family and didn't leave the state my parents and I have shared for 28 years. So this is how deep her pain is.....I'm sure I will have to go through the same. Thanks for this article.

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Idrissa said...

I feel you. Mine is 26. Been there, done that and she went to a college less than an hour away. She did very well. Lived on campus...and did not come home on the weekends. Before graduation she got a job and an apartment and was very independent. None of my fears came true but like you...I cried the day she left for school when I woke up that morning. I cried when I left her there (she did too, I later found out) and I cried again at graduation! LOL

She'll do fine. You'll love the space between the two of you once you adjust and you both may live happily ever after. Smiles.

Cheer up, there are grandkids to look forward to...and of course planning her wedding...another reason to cry. LOL

I just love this site.


10:58 PM  
Blogger soledadsista3 said...

AWWW, you've done your job. When you can look at your child and know they know what they should, you've done your job. Its the mamma's out there that question what their children have learned that should be worried..
Congrats on a great young woman!

12:19 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

Mine are LITTLE...2 and 6 - I have a long way to go. I got weepy eyed when my 6 year old lost his first tooth - kept thinking to myself "and now it starts..." His first day of summer school we walked onto the school yard holding hands (like we always do - he's a big ol mama's boy), but then he saw all the other kids and dropped my hand...Imagine the shock! OH NO!!! NOT NOW!!! It's TOO SOON!!

I dread the day I have to let them I know how my mother must've felt...great story!

12:22 PM  
Blogger Chosen said...

I know just where you are--I have one in the 8th this year and one in the 9th--after all the planning I did to prepare them to go one day, now that time is getting short I get all weepy and start to wish I had more time.

1:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mine are 10-year old twin girls and I distinctly remember them turning 1-year old and thinking "my babies are gone" and feeling a little "weepy" at their first birthday party. What a whirl-wind year it had been.

My question to Angela is: now that your baby is really gone, i.e., (childhood is past and she has become a young lady) what advice, in a word of two, can you give to mama's like me who still have elementary aged kids? You mentioned how fast the time has flown, is there something I need to pay particular attention to?

Being mama daily to twins feels like an "intense" roller-coaster ride. When they leave home, it will probably be at the same time (for college like your daughter.) I wonder if that day will feel like an abrupt end to the ride? I'm hoping for a smoother end to being mama daily to my girls. I'm hoping I can "exhale" on that day, rather than "cry" myself to sleep. Any advice from any mama out there?

5:36 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

To Anonymous:
Girl just hang on and enjoy the ride. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Talk with them about everything. Laugh with them about everything. Try to be absolutley in the moment at all times, and drink those precious seconds in. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made, ask them to forgive you, and move on immediately. You and your girls will be just fine.

7:00 AM  
Blogger Trula said...

My daughter will be a senior in high school this upcoming school year so I know exactly how you feel. I hope so much she decides to stay home for college, or at least near.

1:09 PM  
Anonymous jasai said...

I always joke – to anyone that will listen – that I can’t wait for my children to get grown and go off to college. But last weekend my son went, for the first time in his life at age eleven, to spend the summer with his father….and I fear I will die. The reasons for this are varied but his mere absence is like a spike in my spine – painful and frightening.

Now I fear I will be exposed for the fraud that I am: A mother who no more wants to part with her children than she wants to part with her very own beating heart, as I am clear now that they are the exact same thing.

2:33 PM  
Blogger ebony said...

My oldest is 9, youngest just 6 months and already I'm dreading the day. It's clear she will attend college, her only option is where, but if it's too far I may stow away in one of her suitcases. I long for their independence, yet I can't bear the thought of them leaving. Like Jasai said, our heartbeats and children are one in the same.

12:59 AM  
Blogger SmartBlkWoman said...

Don't worry Angie, you'll be just fine after she has been off at college for a while and you'll be wondering what made you so worried in the first place.

My Dad told me he cried after I left for college! It's an emotional time but one day you'll look back and laugh about how much anxiety you're now experiencing.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Icey said...

Well honey pray for me too! My 17 year old leaves for college at the end of next month. I think my heart just stopped! I do not know what I am going to do without her though I have a 4 year old also!

Good luck figuring out how to manage cause I will need it too!

3:16 PM  
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