being mama daily

The Mama is a FastGirl

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 04:47:00 +0000

Being Mama Daily Curator, Jasai Madden, has written her first book about how to find peace of mind, body and spirit through the timeless art of fasting.

Get your copy. Fast.

Get Involved. Much is at stake.

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 02:52:00 +0000

you need to see this

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:36:00 +0000

Does Your Milk's Label Say This...........?

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 01:24:00 +0000

Below is a quickie Q and A on the Cancer Prevention Coalition Website:

Why is American Milk Banned in Europe?

American dairy milk is genetically-modified unless it’s labeled “NO rBGH”
Genetically-engineered bovine growth hormone (rBGH) in milk increases cancer risks.
American dairy farmers inject rBGH to dairy cows to increase milk production.

European nations and Canada have banned rBGH to protect citizens from IGF-1 hazards.

Monsanto Co., the manufacturer of rBGH, has influenced U. S. product safety laws permitting the sale of unlabeled rBGH milk. (Monsanto would lose billions of dollars if rBGH were banned in America.)

Q. Is there any milk not contaminated with rBGH and IGF-1?
A. Yes. Milk that is clearly labeled “NO rBGH” is free of rBGH and does not contain excess levels of IGF-1.

Q. What about cheeses?
A. American-made cheeses are contaminated with rBGH and excess levels of IGF-1 unless they’re labeled “NO rBGH”. Imported

European cheeses are safe since Europe has banned rBGH.

IGF-1 and Milk:

Q. What is IGF-1?
A. Insulin-like Growth Factor 1 (IGF-1)is a normal growth factor. Excess levels have been increasingly linked by modern research to human cancer development and growth.

Q. How does IGF-1 get into milk?
A. In 1994, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the use of the recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone (rBGH). According to rBGH manufacturers, injections of rBGH causes cows to produce up to 20 percent more milk. The growth hormone also stimulates the liver to increase IGF-1 levels in the milk of those cows. Recently, Eli Lilly & Co., a manufacturer of rBGH, reported a ten-fold increase in IGF-1 levels in milk of cows receiving the hormone. IGF-1 is the same in humans and cows, and is not destroyed by pasteurization. In fact, the pasteurization process actually increases IGF-1 levels in milk.

Q. How does rBGH milk containing IGF-1, affect, humans?
A. After the rBGH milk is consumed, IGF-1 is not destroyed by human digestion. Instead, IGF-1 is readily absorbed across the intestinal wall. Additional research has shown that it can be absorbed into the bloodstream where it can effect other hormones.

Q. Is IGF-1 likely to increase the risk of specific kinds of cancer?
A. It is highly likely that IGF-1 promotes transformation of normal breast cells to breast cancers. In addition, IGF-1 maintains the malignancy of human breast cancer cells, including their invasiveness and ability to spread to distant organs. (Increased levels of IGF-1 have similarly been associated with colon and prostate cancers.) The prenatal and infant breast is particularly susceptible to hormonal influences. Such imprinting by IGF-1 may increase future breast cancer risks, and may also increase the sensitivity of the breast to subsequent unrelated risks such as mammography and the carcinogenic and estrogen-like effects of pesticide residues in food, particularly in pre-menopausal women.

Q. Are cows adversely affected by elevated IGF-1 levels?
A. Cows injected with rBGH show heavy localization of IGF-1 in breast (udder) epithelial cells. This does not occur in untreated cows. Cows are also affected in other ways by rBGH, through increased rates of mastitis, an udder infection. Industry data show up to an 80 percent incidence of mastitis in hormone-treated cattle, resulting in the contamination of milk with significant levels of pus. Mastitis requires the use of antibiotics to treat, which leaves residues to pass on through the milk for human consumption.

Q. What does the FDA say about IGF-1?
A. The FDA has trivialized evidence for increased levels in rBGH milk and insist that any such increases in IGF-1 are not dangerous, and do not pose a health risk. However, a 1990 study by Monsanto, the leading maker of rBGH, explicitly revealed statistically significant evidence of growth promoting effects. Feeding relatively low doses of IGF-1 to mature rats for only two weeks resulted in statistically significant and biologically highly significant systemic effects: increased body weight; increased liver weight; increased bone length; and decreased epiphyseal width. The FDA has failed to investigate the effects of long-term feeding of IGF-1 and treated milk on growth. Furthermore, the FDA has been hostile to the labeling of rBGH milk. The agency has prohibited dairy producers and retailers from labeling their milk as "hormone-free," The FDA states that such labeling could be "false or misleading" under federal law. Monsanto is suing several milk producers for using the label.

Q. What have other scientists said about IGF-1?
A. Concerns about increased levels of IGF-1 in milk from cows treated with rBGH are not new. In 1990, the National Institutes of Health Consensus panel on rBGH expressed concerns about adverse health effects of IGF-1 in rBGH milk, calling for further study on health impacts, particularly infants. In 1991, the Council on Scientific Affairs of the American Medical Association stated:" Further studies will be required to determine whether the ingestion of higher than normal concentrations of bovine insulin-like growth factor is safe for children, adolescents and adults." Unfortunately, these studies were never done,

HERE ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO:

1. Do not buy milk from cows treated with rBGH. Unless the milk-label states “NO rBGH”, you can assume the milk is contaminated. rBGH has become so widely used by dairy farmers. Most health food stores sell rBGH-free milk.

2. Contact your local supermarket and find out if they have a policy regarding rBGH and milk. Make clear that you would like rBGH-free milk.

3. Write to the FDA and express your concern that they are restricting the labeling of rBGH-free milk.

read more here

BMD Examines: America's Milk

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:29:00 +0000

BMD will spend the next few installments looking at America's milk; why we are so encouraged to include it in our diets, the real health effects of its consumption, who profits and who loses when we do and don't drink it. Here is our first installment. Part 1 of a letter from a California based physician to his patients:

The Milk Letter: A Message To My Patients (Part 1)

By: Robert M. Kradjian, MD
Breast Surgery Chief Division of General Surgery,
Seton Medical Centre #302 - 1800 Sullivan Ave.
Daly City, CA 94015 USA

“MILK”Just the word itself sounds comforting! “How about a nice cup of hot milk?” The last time you heard that question it was from someone who cared for you–and you appreciated their effort.

The entire matter of food and especially that of milk is surrounded with emotional and cultural importance. Milk was our very first food. If we were fortunate it was our mother’s milk. A loving link, given and taken. It was the only path to survival. If not mother’s milk it was cow’s milk or soy milk “formula”–rarely it was goat, camel or water buffalo milk.

Now, we are a nation of milk drinkers. Nearly all of us. Infants, the young, adolescents, adults and even the aged. We drink dozens or even several hundred gallons a year and add to that many pounds of “dairy products” such as cheese, butter, and yogurt.

Can there be anything wrong with this? We see reassuring images of healthy, beautiful people on our television screens and hear messages that assure us that, “Milk is good for your body.” Our dieticians insist that: “You’ve got to have milk, or where will you get your calcium?” School lunches always include milk and nearly every hospital meal will have milk added. And if that isn’t enough, our nutritionists told us for years that dairy products make up an “essential food group.” Industry spokesmen made sure that colourful charts proclaiming the necessity of milk and other essential nutrients were made available at no cost for schools. Cow’s milk became “normal.”

You may be surprised to learn that most of the human beings that live on planet Earth today do not drink or use cow’s milk.

Further, most of them can’t drink milk because it makes them ill. There are students of human nutrition who are not supportive of milk use for adults. Here is a quotation from the March/April 1991 Utne Reader:

If you really want to play it safe, you may decide to join the growing number of Americans who are eliminating dairy products from their diets altogether. Although this sounds radical to those of us weaned on milk and the five basic food groups, it is eminently viable. Indeed, of all the mammals, only humans–and then only a minority, principally Caucasians–continue to drink milk beyond babyhood. “Indeed, of all the mammals, only humans–and then only a minority, principally Caucasians–continue to drink milk beyond babyhood.

Who is right? Why the confusion? Where best to get our answers? Can we trust milk industry spokesmen? Can you trust any industry spokesmen? Are nutritionists up to date or are they simply repeating what their professors learned years ago? What about the new voices urging caution? I believe that there are three reliable sources of information. The first, and probably the best, is a study of nature. The second is to study the history of our own species. Finally we need to look at the world’s scientific literature on the subject of milk.

Let’s look at the scientific literature first. From 1988 to 1993 there were over 2,700 articles dealing with milk recorded in the “Medicine” archives. Fifteen hundred of theses had milk as the main focus of the article. There is no lack of scientific information on this subject. I reviewed over 500 of the 1,500 articles, discarding articles that dealt exclusively with animals, esoteric research and inconclusive studies.

How would I summarize the articles? They were only slightly less than horrifying. First of all, none of the authors spoke of cow’s milk as an excellent food, free of side effects and the “perfect food” as we have been led to believe by the industry. The main focus of the published reports seems to be on intestinal colic, intestinal irritation, intestinal bleeding, anemia, allergic reactions in infants and children as well as infections such as salmonella. More ominous is the fear of viral infection with bovine leukemia virus or an AIDS-like virus as well as concern for childhood diabetes. Contamination of milk by blood and white (pus) cells as well as a variety of chemicals and insecticides was also discussed. Among children the problems were allergy, ear and tonsillar infections, bedwetting, asthma, intestinal bleeding, colic and childhood diabetes. In adults the problems seemed centered more around heart disease and arthritis, allergy, sinusitis, and the more serious questions of leukemia, lymphoma and cancer.

I think that an answer can also be found in a consideration of what occurs in nature – what happens with free living mammals and what happens with human groups living in close to a natural state as “hunter-gatherers”.

Our paleolithic ancestors are another crucial and interesting group to study. Here we are limited to speculation and indirect evidences, but the bony remains available for our study are remarkable. There is no doubt whatever that these skeletal remains reflect great strength, muscularity (the size of the muscular insertions show this), and total absence of advanced osteoporosis. And if you feel that these people are not important for us to study, consider that today our genes are programming our bodies in almost exactly the same way as our ancestors of 50,000 to 100,000 years ago.

WHAT IS MILK?

Milk is a maternal lactating secretion, a short term nutrient for new-borns. Nothing more, nothing less. Invariably, the mother of any mammal will provide her milk for a short period of time immediately after birth. When the time comes for "weaning", the young offspring is introduced to the proper food for that species of mammal. A familiar example is that of a puppy. The mother nurses the pup for just a few weeks and then rejects the young animal and teaches it to eat solid food. Nursing is provided by nature only for the very youngest of mammals. Of course, it is not possible for animals living in a natural state to continue with the drinking of milk after weaning.

IS ALL MILK THE SAME?

Then there is the matter of where we get our milk. We have settled on the cow because of its docile nature, its size, and its abundant milk supply. Somehow this choice seems "normal" and blessed by nature, our culture, and our customs. But is it natural? Is it wise to drink the milk of another species of mammal?

Consider for a moment, if it was possible, to drink the milk of a mammal other than a cow, let's say a rat. Or perhaps the milk of a dog would be more to your liking. Possibly some horse milk or cat milk. Do you get the idea? Well, I'm not serious about this, except to suggest that human milk is for human infants, dogs' milk is for pups, cows' milk is for calves, cats' milk is for kittens, and so forth. Clearly, this is the way nature intends it. Just use your own good judgement on this one.

Milk is not just milk. The milk of every species of mammal is unique and specifically tailored to the requirements of that animal. For example, cows' milk is very much richer in protein than human milk. Three to four times as much. It has five to seven times the mineral content. However, it is markedly deficient in essential fatty acids when compared to human mothers' milk. Mothers' milk has six to ten times as much of the essential fatty acids, especially linoleic acid. (Incidentally, skimmed cow's milk has no linoleic acid). It simply is not designed for humans.

Food is not just food, and milk is not just milk. It is not only the proper amount of food but the proper qualitative composition that is critical for the very best in health and growth. Biochemists and physiologists - and rarely medical doctors - are gradually learning that foods contain the crucial elements that allow a particular species to develop its unique specializations.

Clearly, our specialization is for advanced neurological development and delicate neuromuscular control. We do not have much need of massive skeletal growth or huge muscle groups as does a calf. Think of the difference between the demands make on the human hand and the demands on a cow's hoof. Human new-borns specifically need critical material for their brains, spinal cord and nerves.

Can mother's milk increase intelligence? It seems that it can. In a remarkable study published in Lancet during 1992 (Vol. 339, p. 261-4), a group of British workers randomly placed premature infants into two groups. One group received a proper formula, the other group received human breast milk. Both fluids were given by stomach tube. These children were followed up for over 10 years. In intelligence testing, the human milk children averaged 10 IQ points higher! Well, why not? Why wouldn't the correct building blocks for the rapidly maturing and growing brain have a positive effect?

In the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition (1982) Ralph Holman described an infant who developed profound neurological disease while being nourished by intravenous fluids only. The fluids used contained only linoleic acid - just one of the essential fatty acids. When the other, alpha linoleic acid, was added to the intravenous fluids the neurological disorders cleared.

In the same journal five years later Bjerve, Mostad and Thoresen, working in Norway found exactly the same problem in adult patients on long term gastric tube feeding.

In 1930 Dr. G.O. Burr in Minnesota working with rats found that linoleic acid deficiencies created a deficiency syndrome. Why is this mentioned? In the early 1960s pediatricians found skin lesions in children fed formulas without the same linoleic acid. Remembering the research, the addition of the acid to the formula cured the problem. Essential fatty acids are just that and cows' milk is markedly deficient in these when compared to human milk.

WELL, AT LEAST COW'S MILK IS PURE

Or is it? Fifty years ago an average cow produced 2,000 pounds of milk per year. Today the top producers give 50,000 pounds! How was this accomplished? Drugs, antibiotics, hormones, forced feeding plans and specialized breeding; that's how.

The latest high-tech onslaught on the poor cow is bovine growth hormone or BGH. This genetically engineered drug is supposed to stimulate milk production but, according to Monsanto, the hormone's manufacturer, does not affect the milk or meat. There are three other manufacturers: Upjohn, Eli Lilly, and American Cyanamid Company. Obviously, there have been no long-term studies on the hormone's effect on the humans drinking the milk. Other countries have banned BGH because of safety concerns. One of the problems with adding molecules to a milk cows' body is that the molecules usually come out in the milk. I don't know how you feel, but I don't want to experiment with the ingestion of a growth hormone. A related problem is that it causes a marked increase (50 to 70 per cent) in mastitis. This, then, requires antibiotic therapy, and the residues of the antibiotics appear in the milk. It seems that the public is uneasy about this product and in one survey 43 per cent felt that growth hormone treated milk represented a health risk. A vice president for public policy at Monsanto was opposed to labelling for that reason, and because the labelling would create an "artificial distinction". The country is awash with milk as it is, we produce more milk than we can consume. Let's not create storage costs and further taxpayer burdens, because the law requires the USDA to buy any surplus of butter, cheese, or non-fat dry milk at a support price set by Congress! In fiscal 1991, the USDA spent $757 million on surplus butter, and one billion dollars a year on average for price supports during the 1980s (Consumer Reports, May 1992: 330-32).

Any lactating mammal excretes toxins through her milk. This includes antibiotics, pesticides, chemicals and hormones. Also, all cows' milk contains blood! The inspectors are simply asked to keep it under certain limits. You may be horrified to learn that the USDA allows milk to contain from one to one and a half million white blood cells per millilitre. (That's only 1/30 of an ounce). If you don't already know this, I'm sorry to tell you that another way to describe white cells where they don't belong would be to call them pus cells. To get to the point, is milk pure or is it a chemical, biological, and bacterial cocktail? Finally, will the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) protect you? The United States General Accounting Office (GAO) tells us that the FDA and the individual States are failing to protect the public from drug residues in milk. Authorities test for only 4 of the 82 drugs in dairy cows.

As you can imagine, the Milk Industry Foundation's spokesman claims it's perfectly safe. Jerome Kozak says, "I still think that milk is the safest product we have."

Other, perhaps less biased observers, have found the following: 38% of milk samples in 10 cities were contaminated with sulfa drugs or other antibiotics. (This from the Centre for Science in the Public Interest and The Wall Street Journal, Dec. 29, 1989).. A similar study in Washington, DC found a 20 percent contamination rate (Nutrition Action Healthletter, April 1990).

What's going on here? When the FDA tested milk, they found few problems. However, they used very lax standards. When they used the same criteria , the FDA data showed 51 percent of the milk samples showed drug traces.

Let's focus in on this because it's critical to our understanding of the apparent discrepancies. The FDA uses a disk-assay method that can detect only 2 of the 30 or so drugs found in milk. Also, the test detects only at the relatively high level. A more powerful test called the "Charm II test" can detect 4o drugs down to 5 parts per billion.

One nasty subject must be discussed. It seems that cows are forever getting infections around the udder that require ointments and antibiotics. An article from France tells us that when a cow receives penicillin, that penicillin appears in the milk for from 4 to 7 milkings. Another study from the University of Nevada, Reno tells of cells in "mastic milk", milk from cows with infected udders. An elaborate analysis of the cell fragments, employing cell cultures, flow cytometric analysis , and a great deal of high tech stuff. Do you know what the conclusion was? If the cow has mastitis, there is pus in the milk. Sorry, it's in the study, all concealed with language such as "macrophages containing many vacuoles and phagocytosed particles, etc."

Stay Tuned For Part 2.....

Mama, Heal Thyself!

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:05:00 +0000

Despite the sometimes misconceived idea that as women and mothers we can or should be able to "do it all" there remains the very real fact that we can not and should not even try.

The attempt to do it all has often found us overextended, feeling unappreciated and literally depleted. The truth is, we regularly need a break, and without one we quickly understand the oft spoken adage that women do indeed get weary.

The body is the same way. When we overextend it's energy capcity, insisting that it take on the task of digesting and metabolizing the "food" we eat and eliminating the waste and toxins, in its best effort to keep us alive and vibrant, we are creating great harm to the only vehicle we have in this life to experience natural and spiritual bliss.

I have spent the past year researching, sharing with others and experiencing first hand the great power of the ancient art of fasting for physical and spiritual wellness. It has certainly rendered my body healthier and my mind clearer, but it has also had the unexpected benefit of making me a better, more mindful mother.

While it encourages a magical cleaning of the body, it performs a miracle cleansing of the spirit. I am kinder, less tempermental, more disciplined and less prone to fly off the handle or insist on my way, as a result of this practice. There are countless benefits to the practice of fasting and I invite every BMD mama to join me on what has been an extraordinary journey to true, Whole Life Health.

Visit our sister site at http://www.thenewfastgirls.blogspot.com/ and join our group through yahoogroups, Keyword: FastGirls

If you want to re-experience the miracle of fasting or if you are new to the practice and want to do something for your life and health that provides a genuine cure and not a temporary fix, give this timeless art a try. Your body, soul and family will thank you.

Cheers!

Jasai
BMD Curator Mama

What's in a (nick)name?

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Tue, 27 May 2008 02:25:00 +0000

Mothers are famous for nicknaming their children. There isn't a single man, woman or child that I know who has not at some time been called by a nickname. Occasionally it's just a sweet knowing between mother and child. More often it is widely known throughout the family and community. Certain nicknames span generations, never losing their texture, flavor or popularity. While others are obscure and nothing you would hear more than once.

What are your children's nicknames? Where did the name come from? What is your nickname?

Here are some interesting ones that have made me say, hmmmm....

Toochie

Stinker

Beauty

Kidoshe

BMD Examines: The Natural Order of Things

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 15:35:00 +0000

In most any discussion related to the conception, bearing and raising of children, there lies unspoken, the very present and pressing issue of preventing pregnancy. The 1960’s presented women with “the pill” as a safe and effective way to own our reproductive health and liberate us from the worry of bearing children outside of intention.

Today pharmaceutical companies, pill in hand, are pushing past god to offer us another more sinister, illusive kind of liberation; from the very cycle of life.

Dr. Susan Rako has this to say about the pharmaceutical industry’s attempts to “fix” the natural order of things:

"Tampering with the hormonal climate of healthy menstruating women, including teenage girls whose lives stretch ahead for decades, for the purpose of doing away with their periods is, in a word, reckless. Manipulating women’s hormonal chemistry for the purpose of menstrual suppression threatens to be the largest uncontrolled experiment in the history of medical science. Hands down.

What the media has not conveyed, what the public has not heard, what too few health professionals know, and what every woman and her doctor must know about the hazards of menstrual suppression deserves a voice. I am determined that it will have one."

Observing the radical shift in the medical community toward menstrual suppression as a viable option in women’s health, Dr. Rako sees not only a vast information gap for women, but a serious health crisis on the horizon. Drug companies and many health professionals are promoting the idea that it is okay, even preferable, for women to forgo their periods if they are not trying to get pregnant, and many women, when faced with the choice, are seriously considering that option. But what isn’t being discussed enough are the hazards of such suppression, risks that include osteoporosis, heart attacks, strokes, and cancer.

In her book “No More Periods?” Dr. Rako delves into the whys, hows, and musts of women’s gynecological health and takes a reasoned stand for believing that nature and our bodies have an intelligence about this critical issue.

The economics of our community coupled with a lack of adequate healthcare and a concerted move to call quackery our own intuitive knowing, has left too many black mothers undereducated and as a result, at the mercy of medical researchers who are more than willing to offer us a new, improved but untested way to do a dangerous thing.

Conscious conception is a critical issue and one that we must take seriously if we are to raise our children in settings unhampered by poverty and unpreparedness. But the idea that we would do something as counter-intuitive as shutting down completely, a physiological system put in place at our own inception, begs questioning and examination that is not likely to take place in a doctors office.

BMD Examines: The Power (and politics) of Presentation

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 16:55:00 +0000

Phillipe Copeland challenges the spin of image and perception when it comes to the examination of white teenagers and pregnancy versus that of black teenagers.

Phillipe writes: "For many the unmarried, black teenage mother has become a virtual icon of the alleged depravity and decline of "black culture". How often do you hear pundits, politicians and intellectuals bemoaning the depravity and decline of "white culture" because sometimes a young white woman gets pregnant when she didn't plan to? Like so called "black on black" crim e, it appears that the rules are different when a white teenager gets pregnant."

It seems that in the wake of the Jaime Spears revelation we have an opportunity to see with clear lenses how a set of circumstances for black teenagers can be used to focus the collective conscience on carelessness, moral depravity and a dearth of hope while that same situation in the life of a white teenager acts a perfect opportunity to focus on maturity, courage and the potential to overcome obstacles.

What do you think about the disparity in portrayal? How much of its negative effects do you think would be avoided by pulling our children away from the television where they are constantly being packaged in one stereotypical way or another?

Do you think that as parents of black children it is imperative that we provide our children with every opportunity to be encouraged and self affirming, even when the action is less than skillful? Generations of young people having babies has proven that as difficult as it might be, the ultimate outcome is not always so grin and detrimental.

BMD Examines: And When He is older He Shall Not Depart?

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 03:12:00 +0000

Maybe as a result of it being the holiday season and as such, a time when people more openly share their particular spiritual beliefs and practices, discussions abound in which it seems a significant shift is taking place in the belief systems and resulting practices of this generation of parents versus past generations.

Perhaps you are a Buddhist with Baptist parents or make Wud'u where you used to offer Penance.

BMD wants to know whether you are you raising your children in the same religious or spiritual tradition in which your parents raised you? And if not, how does the practice of a different religion or spiritual metaphor affect the relationship between your immediate and extended family?

Is there room enough for close family ties that include a variety of spiritual/religious belief systems and practices? Or has it proven too far a curve ball to fetch?

how do you teach a thing like THIS?

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 24 May 2007 03:35:00 +0000

Jasai - 31
Los Angeles, CA
2 children - 1 boy (12), 1 girl (6)

“Mom,” my son says in the kind of tone that lets me know what he is about to say is troubling, “Oren always says nigga.”

I pause.

And then I unload.

“Why would he feel like he can say that around you?!!”

Blank face.

“There is no way he is saying that if you are not!!”

Guilty face

“Do you think I know any Jewish people who would think it was okay to say that word around me???!!”

Appalled face

“Do you know that he is hurling offense at you, your family and every other black person you know when he says that??!!”

Sullen face

I went on this way until I could not untangle all the things my head and fighting heart wanted me to say.

You see, Oren is my son’s energetic if academically oblivious Jewish friend. I have my issues with him for this and other reasons but since they have a similar hobby in skateboarding and my son’s grades don’t reflect Oren’s work habits, I let it slide. But no more.

How do you teach a young black boy that you do not compromise on an issue like this? That as an emerging black man in America, there is no room to acquiesce to the ignorant tide of individuals, media and even other black folk who think that word has simply become part of the American lexicon like “homey”, “dude” and “man”. And that never is he to conform to such ignorance in order to save a friendship. Never.

I assured him that there was is no way Oren would continue to be his friend if he tossed derogatory names for Jews up and down their jr. high school hallways.

He tells me Oren says these things because he watches David Chapelle. I tell him I could give a damn why he says it.

But I will not tolerate it or teach my son that it is acceptable for him to tolerate it.

the truth about bureaucracy and the breast

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Wed, 23 May 2007 02:55:00 +0000

Jennifer James
Chapel Hill, NC
2 children - girls

Did you know that there are only 56 Baby Friendly Hospitals in the United States out of 19,000 worldwide? Did you also know that when black mothers give birth in Baby Friendly Hospitals, their breastfeeding rates go up significantly?

In 2001, a research team from Boston University Medical School and Boston Medical Center tracked the results of Boston Medical Center attaining its Baby Friendly Hospital designation. Not only did their breastfeeding initiation rates go from 58 percent to 87 percent over four years, the rate of black mothers who initiated breastfeeding rose from 34 percent to 74 percent. That's drastic. That's significant. That's remarkable.

Additionally, a study released on May 15 states that when a child is born in an inner-city, baby-friendly hospital breatfeeding rates are comparable to national breastfeeding averages.

Since 1991, hospitals and maternity and birthing centers around the world have been awarded Baby Friendly recognition, but it's not easy. Each hospital and birthing center has to comply with ten specific steps set up by the WHO and UNICEF in order to call themselves baby friendly and cannot "accept free or low-cost breastmilk substitutes or feeding bottles".

Of course, we know this poses a difficult challenge for most hospitals both in America and worldwide because of the sweeping dominance of formula companies. Money talks, to be sure.

What this says to me: This says that the vast majority of hospitals in the United States would rather sell out the health of babies and instead accept lucrative contracts from baby formula manufacturers under the guise of giving mothers feeding options for their babies. This is clearly reprehensible.

If you are a pregnant mom, please consider supporting Baby Friendly Hospitals that are doing the right thing and thinking about the well being and health of babies and not their budgets and pocketbooks.

*Jennifer James is the Editor of MommyToo and many other blogs which focus on the health and well-being of mothers and children of color in America.

BMD Examines “The Warrior Method”

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 17 May 2007 04:07:00 +0000

Nature vs. Nurture vs. Negative Proof*

Part of what “The Warrior Method” seeks to examine is how much of the way in which our boys view themselves and are viewed by our society, has to do with the social (read: racial) forces that gently film over the very eyes through which they perceive their Being. Although the text and it’s author do not allow for wholesale “blaming” of the social order for the behavior and circumstances of black boys in this country, its position begs caution to parents/guardians/educators and concerned citizens, insisting that we not allow the very present effects of society’s personal, political and institutional biases against our boys to go unexamined.

Dr. Winbush writes:

“As an educator who specializes in the development of African American adolescents, I am constantly asked if there are any successful techniques to be used to help raise healthy, confident African American males. Of course. But far from easy because psychologists and educators are reluctant to offer techniques that factor in the role of racism in the development of African American boys. The preferred method of explaining black male behavior is to focus on internal rather than external issues that determine their lifestyles.

“Not so clear however is why explanations of white adolescent behavior are commonly offered in the context of how social forces shape their behavior. Mary Pipher’s best selling book Reviving Ophelia discusses how sexism plays a nefarious role in the development of white females, particularly as it relates to their dependence on male approval. It is nearly unthinkable to exclude social factors in explaining white adolescent behavior, yet explanations of black adolescent behavior often focus on the internal pathologies of black life in America.”

Despite being a mother who is adamant that my son understand and execute an exacting measure of personal responsibility, it is impossible for me to disregard what I see as - more clearly as the years pass - a carefully orchestrated, if unconscious, campaign at the most fundamental levels of society, to see our sons take their place at the awful bottom of all things.

I suspect that there are many mothers who fear acknowledging this fact will relegate them to the ranks of those who buck-pass, shirk or even worse, give their son(s) the impressions that any outside intent could ultimately determine his fate.

Is this a legitimate concern? Are there mamas who feel like this is a phantom dilemma?

*Negative proof is defined as that which occurs when there are two competing explanations, and neither can be confirmed by observation.

Visit your local bookseller and purchase The Warrior Method by Dr. Raymond Winbush

Objectifying Black Babies...A Teacher's Comment to My Child

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Mon, 14 May 2007 00:19:00 +0000

Trula
Cleveland, OH
3 Children - 2 boys (9)(12),1 girl(18)

Recently in one of my daughter's classes her teacher said she wanted to find a black man to have black babies with because 'they are so cute'. She then singled my daughter out, the only black person in the class, to ask her if she agreed with her. I-bop said she tried to be non-comittal and change the subject, but the teacher persisted. Then after school i-bop went to talk it over with the assistant principal, who then talks to the teacher about it.

Then this woman went to the drama practice (i-bop is rehearsing, she's in the spring play) all crying and AGAIN putting i-bop on the spot, talking crap about how it's an 'aesthetic' thing like preferring the color pink and she just loves black people blah blah blah. Then she left.

I am writing a letter to her & the assitant principal but I am super-pissed right now. I have to be careful how I word things lest these people dismiss me and i-bop as 'angry black women'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok here is the letter I just emailed to her:

Hello Ms. ------,

My daughter ------ is a student in a Spanish language class of yours. She bought to my attention comments you made yesterday (2/28/07) about wanting to find a black man to have a child with, because you feel black babies are so cute. You also singled her out to ask her opinion on the matter, I presume because as the sole black person in the class you wanted her to validate your opinion.

I find your comments offensive and problematic to say the least. I am certain that you meant no harm, however I am unable to ignore or excuse your conduct because I am appalled at your lack of sensitivity and unprofessional behavior. Your job is to teach, not to express to students your racial preferences in regard to your future mate. Regardless of the context this subject came up in, as the teacher and the adult you should have re-directed the conversation and kept your race opinions to yourself.

I also feel compelled to tell you why your comments are so ignorant, because you repeated them again when you apologized to ------, and again when you called my home and discussed this with my husband (------). This tells me you are truly confused as to why your comments are ignorant and offensive. Ms. ------, blackness is no more a monolith than whiteness is, but that, among other things, is implied by your comments. Not to mention your complete and utter objectification of black babies and black people. Black babies are not little inanimate dolls for you to play with and talk about how cute they are because of maybe their features, skin color, and hair is so different from yours. They are living breathing people just like white babies.

After ------ told me the things you said when you came down to her drama practice (how it's just an 'aesthetic' thing and it's your 'preference') it became painfully obvious to me that you are simply unaware of how obtuse your feelings are in regards to this matter. Ms. ------, choosing a partner and subsequent child is not like picking a color scheme for your house.

There is so much range and diversity among black people, just like among white people or any other 'race', but you seem unaware of that. Your comment that you'd like to find a black man to have a black baby with indicates that you think we are all the same. Which black man? Will he be the same religion as you? Will he share similar political views? Have the same morals, values, and code of ethics as you? Or are those things irrelevant to you as long as he is black and can give you a cute black baby to play with? Ms. ------, I am told you have grown white children. Surely when you chose to be with their father, there were a lot of things you considered. Understand that when choosing to be with someone not of your race background the very same factors should be considered as well. If you are unable or unwilling to understand that, at the very least keep your fetishizing of black people to yourself.

I am certain that you still do not see your comments as wrong since you repeated them 3 times. You probably feel they were benign or even positive comments. I want you to understand I am not attacking you; rather my concern is about what you said and its effect on my child. I would like you to understand that racism isn't only about hating on other races. It is also embedded in the seemingly innocent ways that we think, talk, and respond to a race not our own. On the surface your comments may seem like a benevolent statement but when looked at through the lenses of American history and a person of the race being discussed, they are very rooted in racist ideas.

I would also like to point out to you, that whether ----- or another black person was in the class or not, your comments were inappropriate to the white students as well. You should not assume all white people believe erroneous ideas like this such as yourself, and you did your white students a grave disservice by assuming they did or that they would not be offended. In short, it was wrong of you to discuss your
racial preferences in choosing a mate to your students, period. You owe the whole class an apology.

Finally, your coming to ------ at her drama practice being all loud and crying was wrong. While I appreciate your apology...Thank You! I resent your putting her on the spot in front of her peers again and I am deeply saddened that you repeated your statements again to her. And the crying...give me a break. Ms. ------, what on earth did YOU have to cry about? And I am struggling to understand why you came at my daughter like that. As her teacher and an adult you are already in a position of authority over her. I feel your crying was a manipulative ploy to make her feel responsible for your mistake and that it was her fault simply because she spoke up. Perhaps it was subconscious, but surely upon reflection you can see why I feel your response was selfish, completely disregarded ------'s feelings, and made her feel bad for speaking up about your highly inappropriate comments.

------ did nothing wrong here. She tried to avoid being drawn in the discussion in the first place and she then voiced her concerns to the assistant principal. We have lived in ------, a primarily white, conservative community, for going on 7 years and in all this time my daughter has been a model of self-restraint when dealing with racist comments, from out-and-out racial slurs to comments like yours from students. She is not known for being a 'race-agitator' or as being overly sensitive to race comments, Ms. ------, because she is not. ------ tries her best to get along with the majority white population of students here, and she often, quite often ignores race comments said to her at the high school by the white students in the interest of getting along. So when she expressed how disturbed she was by what you said and your subsequent apology I could tell she was deeply hurt. The one time she speaks up to a person of authority the teacher acts like it's her fault? How dare you.

I am forwarding this letter to the principal and assistant principal. I am also writing a letter to the superintendent of ------ City Schools, including this letter and a suggestion of sensitivity training in regards to racial issues for ------ City teachers. It is not my desire or intention to get you into any trouble, rather I want a written record that this occurred and my suggestion of sensitivity training noted, if nothing else. I am disturbed that any teacher in ------ City schools would make a comment such as this. The reason we decided to live here was because of the caliber of the school system. I am truly dumbfounded that a teacher would make such comments as I did not expect that from a professional within the school system. You have deeply disappointed me, Ms. ------. I hope you do not further disappoint me by acting out against ------ academically or singling her out in any way regarding this matter again. Rest assured, if you do, I will take appropriate measures.

Sincerely,
Ms. Breckenridge

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Warrior Method

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Wed, 02 May 2007 16:28:00 +0000

I am humbled by this charge of being mother to a son. It sometimes confounds me and leaves me feeling like I need the awesome guidance of a North Star. This book shines bright in just such a way. Do something gentle for your mama soul and read this book.Then recommend it to a family member and a friend.

Discussion on the text to follow. Stay tuned.

Read reviews here.

The View From Here: On Raising Black Boys

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 03:13:00 +0000

Name: Amanda - 30
Seattle, WA
Children: two sons (3), (2)

A while ago, I wrote out some of my thoughts about the job of raising boys, and Black boys in particular. Another mother commented about fearing for the safety of her (potential, likely Black) son. I wanted to expand on her point a little more, because it's something we've thought about as well.

Right now, my kids are "cute little Black babies." Among white people they are sometimes seen as a novelty. I have heard, "Oh, Black babies/kids are so CUTE!" way too many times. I'm hearing that less now, and I'm sure that particular comment will taper off completely by the time the boys are preteens. Black babies may be cute, but Black teenage boys are thuggish, threatening, potentially violent gang members.

Possibly, when they are with us (their white parents), they may get a "pass." They could be granted honorary whiteness because they belong with us, despite their Blackness. When they are on their own, or with other Black boys... All bets are off.

I don't think I'm being overly dramatic about this. Have you heard what happens to Black men who cross the paths of arrogant white men with power? When Sparkle gets his drivers license, should I tell him that he's not allowed to drive alone? If he speeds and gets pulled over, and he's on his own, he could be in trouble. As Black boys/men, they will have to be extra sensitive to the perceptions of other people around them. Even if it feels artificial to them, they will have to work on projecting an image of confidence, compentance, and cheerfulness. If they don't, they are more likely to be seen as surly, disrespectful, or dangerous.

I'm not sure how we'll handle things as they get older, but we are already working on some of this. When guests come to our house, we encourage Sparkle to "be the welcomer." Before they arrive, we practice opening the door and saying, "Welcome! Come on in, we're glad you're here!" Sometimes Sparkle loves this job, and sometimes not. Last week he told me, "I'm feeling shy today, Mom. I don't want to be the welcomer. You come with me." And that's totally fine.
When we go to church, I hold Sparkle's left hand as we go through the door. His right hand is free, and he holds it out to the church greeter, shakes hands, and says, "Good morning!" He also knows how to shake hands while looking the other person in the face and saying, "Hello, it's nice to meet you!" We literally practice casual small talk type stuff, and reciprocal comments that help make the other person feel comfortable. For example, instead of replying with "I'm fine," he can say, "I'm doing well. And how are you?"

Part of this is just that I want the boys to have good manners. But also, I hope that their composure and charisma will help keep them safe. When Pumpkin picks up his date for a high school dance, he may need to charm the socks off her parents before she gets in his car to leave with him. If he dates a white girl, I hope he'll be the type of person that the white boys will respect enough to leave him alone. When Sparkle gets a job, he'll have to prove the stereotypes about Black workers wrong to get a promotion. It's not fair.

Of course it's not fair.

I hope that we won't be overly paranoid about their safety. And I don't want to teach my kids that the world is dangerous, or that someone is out to get them around every corner. But I want them to be prepared and cautious. And part of being prepared is knowing how to make a good first impression, how to manage your image, and how to make other people comfortable.

I'm not sure how to end this post. Maybe I'll just ask you all, what do you think? What have you observed? Are you thinking about these things with your kids (girls or boys, Black or white or other)? I'm not crazy, am I?

searching for our soul

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 04:24:00 +0000

Mrs. J
Hudson Valley, NY
3 children - girl (4), boy/girl twins (16 mo)

I'm a Northern black woman who grew up in a family whose idea of a traditional meal was spaghetti with meat sauce. No soul food savvy matriarchs have graced either side of my family tree since the great migration. So when my own kids were born, I was determined to raise them as part of a clan that ate traditional African American food throughout the year, not just on holidays.   

The exploration of my culinary heritage began with a simple weeknight dinner of collard greens, yams and black-eyed peas. I was feeling rather pleased with myself when my four year old appeared at the kitchen door.  "Mommy? What is that...smell?" she stood in the doorway frozen, face shielded by her sleeves.  "Black eyed peas, honey. Mommy's making black eyed peas tonight."  She clamped her angelic face tighter. "They smell horrible."  My husband glanced up from his computer. "It's black people food, honey."  Did we really want her to associate our culture with what she described as "a horrible smell?" I tried not to roll my eyes and began setting the table. "It's what we're having for dinner tonight."   

The meal got off to a good start until we asked her to actually start eating. There were tears, followed by threats of timeout. There was squealing, followed by threats of slightly more severe forms of punishment. In between plea bargains, my husband helped himself to seconds and I fought back tears of frustration. My fifteen month old twins sat contentedly in their highchairs, licking fingers and smacking lips at the first taste of their culinary birthright. How could my eldest child possibly grow into a strong African American woman without ever having tasted black eyed peas?

I was nauseated the mere thought of my firstborn daughter making a quicker mental association with  BEP's Fergie than the cuisine of her very own culture.  Maybe I just needed to accept the fact that my child had a somewhat eclectic, international palate. After all, she tried risotto at nine months and enjoyed it. Other international foods like hummus and (cooked) sushi are regular requests. At least she was an equal-opportunity eater. I picked up the dish she'd just poked at, the black eyed peas stared back at me forlornly. It burned me up that if those poor legumes had been edamame, she probably would have cleaned her plate.  

It wasn't until my beloved was in bed for the night that I stepped down off my pedestal and realized where I might be falling short. Even broken down to a preschooler's level, there was really no clear reason why an African American four year old should be obligated to eat black eyed peas (aside from nutritional value). If slaves were forced to eat what we now know as soul food because they just didn't have another choice, does that mean their free descendants should have to? Grown-ups do it all the time. Nobody (at least nobody I know) starts salivating at the thought of boiled pigs' feet. But sweet potato pie is a whole different story altogether. And I'm the first one to turn my nose up at chitterlings before taking a second helping of baked macaroni.   Maybe it's time I let her celebrate the right to pick and choose from the rich diversity within our cultural palate. Maybe it's less about the food, than our freedom.

*Mrs. J writes about Pop-culture, politics and playdates at Our Kind of Parenting

This has happened to you

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 02:47:00 +0000

Every Mother - 18 to 80 yrs
Everywhere, USA
No matter how many children you have

Family Guy - Annoying Stewie - video powered by Metacafe

My question is, what happened to the part where she jumps up and grabs him by the eyelashes?

One hundred (or so) things I love

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 04:14:00 +0000

Jasai -31
Los Angeles, CA
2 chilren - 1 boy (11), 1 girl (5)

the smell of Jasmine . baby powder mist . salad w/spinach leaves . Sissy Lou . The Boy . skirts . forehead kisses . short stories . facials . bubble baths . red seedless grapes . yoga . chai latte w/ foam and whip . my mom . lying on grass in warm shade . the beach . traveling . cooking . intimate conversation . writing letters . a boy named Alex . sea salt . picture frames . buddhadharma . having my feet rubbed . deep breathing . soft soil . driving across country . dining out . sleeping in . reading . singing . interesting men . strawberries . discovering new neighborhoods . dancing . taking long walks . touring new homes . stretching . being touched . laughing . listening to stories . sitting in Rituals . going to the spa . museums . water colors . mysterious men . eccentric women . lectures . Tavis Smiley . Cornell West . Ira Glass . church choirs . Easter Sunday . Black families . Soul music . Range Rovers . cream cheese brownies . fishnet stockings . beautiful jewelry . private spaces . big mamas . hammocks . places of worship . chanting . women in hijab . silence . me . freedom . peace . men who write . Nights in NY hotel bars . baby girls . rebellious women . teachers . carnivals . French baguettes w/ real butter . farms . laundry on the clothesline . days to myself . fresh produce . Louisiana Faire . mojitos . live music . white beards . Black love . crying softly . my pale yellow bench . marriage . daydreaming . old flame memories . art . brightly painted walls . weddings . graham crackers and milk . new experiences . future prospects . the word "circumvent" . smiles . naked bodies . fish . learning . my pregnant body.

*I realized recently that I want to have another baby. OMG! .....smile honey :o)

a kind of love letter

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 05:27:00 +0000

Amber - 38
Washington, DC
2 children - boys (9) and (6)

April 9, 1995

My dearest sister,

Pregnancy is a power not easily understood, gained or contained. My heart goes out to you for your loss. If you need me I am here, always.

Love,

Leah

My oh my, how time does fly

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 05:47:00 +0000

Is it today already?

If you have been wondering where BMD and its curator mama have been for the last cycle of moons....I've been wondering too. And then I found myself ....doing back to school and football practice, Daisy troop and voulunteer groups. Homework till I'M blue in the face. Spiraling late nights and deliriously sleepy days.

Needless to say, we are (most of us) back to motherhood at hyperspeed. Being Mama Daily is also on a new and improved program as we are aiming to introduce and interview women writers musing about what else -- motherhood (or subjects that tickle gently around the periphery.)

So keep peeking in and don't forget to send in your journal entries.

Whew! Is it time for bed yet?

Mama's Eye View: My Parenting Philosophy

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 04:41:00 +0000

Kohana
Mid West, USA
2 Children - 1 boy (1+), 1 girl (en route)

Parenting is hard. Good parenting requires commitment, consistency, and education. Each child has a unique personality that requires the parent to apply themselves to raising the child in a unique way. When a child joins the family through adoption there is one more layer of education and effort necessary in parenting. If the child is also another race than the parents, yet another layer of effort is required. Similarly, a child with special needs (learning disability, fragile health, etc) requires the parent to grow beyond the basics of parenting. So transracial adoptive parenting requires more work (in my opinion) than "regular" parenting.

My biggest question is, (to use my family as an example) can two Caucasian parents (one European and one American) instill a strong racial and ethnic pride and identity in their non-Caucasian child? Really, I don't think that they (we) can. To go back to the special needs analogy, a parent may never know what it's like to have ADHD or to be diabetic. The best a parent can do is learn as much as they can and open doors for their children to go where they cannot. I hope my special needs analogy doesn't leave anyone thinking that I view being non-white as a negative thing. Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that as much as I read and talk and listen, I will never be anything other than white. I may be a white person with insight and that's what I can offer my children. My greatest aspiration is to be their door.

A couple of the essays in a love like no other really resonated with my feelings. I'd like to include a few quotes for your consideration. In "Color Her Becky: Grappling with Race" Jill Smolowe discusses her daughter's progressing identity as a Chinese-American daughter of white adoptive parents. She says:

Bewildering stuff, this business of race. Make too much of it, and you risk grooming your child to forge an identity based on other people's insensitivity and ignorance. Make too little of it, and you risk failing to prepare your child for life in a country that every ten years maps its racial boundaries in such meticulous detail that the 2000 Census offered 63 different options. During the prelude to an international adoption, you sift through a (pardon the expression) Chinese menu of choices. By the time you've checked all the boxes and answered your social worker's barrage of questions- Will you raise your child to respect her heritage?
Will you honor your child's place of birth? Will you instill racial pride in your child?- you feel that you've considered all the angles. But all those hypotheticals are a lot like the vows you take on your wedding day when you promise to love and honor your future mate: You really mean it-you just don't have a clue what it will look like or how it will play out.
After doing my independent study and facilitating a transracial adoption support group for a year I thought I really knew all about it! I am only beginning to realize how little I know. Jill Smolowe goes on to say:

I acknowledge, embrace, and celebrate that [her daughter, Becky's, Asian identity], just as I celebrate all things Becky. But I am disinclined to try to dictate to Becky what her skin color, Asian features, and cultural heritage should mean to her. I'm not Asian; how could I possibly know? I also don't know how to instill racial pride in her, as the adoption literature often exhorts. Instead I resonate to a comment made by a Native American adult whose adoptive parents are white: "I'm very grateful that my parents never tried to give me what they weren't able to give: my Indian self. I think that causes confusion. It was my journey to find out more.

I agree with Jill in so many ways. She makes an effort to connect Becky to her Chinese heritage through culture days, relationships with other Chinese Americans, celebrating Chinese holidays, etc. Yet she also recognizes that she is only leading her daughter to a door that she cannot pass through herself. God, help me find the door.

Universal Inevitable Truths

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Mon, 24 Jul 2006 16:03:00 +0000

Shannon - 36
1 daughter (17 mo.)
Champaign, IL

The universal, inevitable and necessary - but always sad - toddler truth, is hitting Nat hard these days:

Everyone on the planet wasn't put here to serve her.

Two examples:
1. At a birthday party last weekend, Nat reached for a cookie in another little girl's hand. "No-no," I told her, "that's not Nat's cookie."
She gave me the most heart broken, incredulous look. It was her first encounter with something that she wanted that wasn't hers (other than our glasses or cell phones or that kind of stuff).
2. Today, at the playground, Nat got a bit more adventurous than usual and struck out on her own. We watched her from a decent distance as she toddled about, oogling the older children in awe. Suddenly, another little boy a bit older than her, slid down a slide and into her, toppling her over. She looked up, started crying, picked herself up and pointed at him as if to say "You! You have violated my person! Do you know who I am?" She didn't know we were watching. We just about fell over laughing. But Cole also swooped over to save her.

She has had the habit, for a while now, of waving enthusiastically at the backs of people swiftly walking, jogging or biking away from her after they failed to acknowledge her presence. She seems to think they just missed her and will turn around once they realize who they've passed.

I suppose you could call her entitled--but to love and attention, not to stuff (except other people's cookies, I suppose).

It's hard to walk the line between spoiling her and keeping her little ego healthily intact as she learns that other sovereign humans inhabit the planet along with her. But for the most part, I think her ego is doing just fine.

meditations of a weary mama's heart

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 16:05:00 +0000

Jasai - 31
Los Angeles, CA
2 Children - 1 boy (11), 1 girl (5)

beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places. beautiful things are often born from dark places.

If I can just keep saying this to myself I will make it though the summer and sooner than I can lose my wits, my son will be back home with me.

Where, Oh Where has My Babygirl Gone....

noreply@blogger.com (A Girl Again) — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 17:14:00 +0000

Angela - 39
Columbus, OH
1 daughter (16)

Yesterday I had a scare at the airport.

I was there to pick up MyKiddo. So, I'm standing outside the gate waiting. I'm on my cell phone and I'm trying to position myself so that she will see me as soon as she turns the corner. So I wait a few minutes......no MyKiddo.

Suddenly this young woman comes up to me from behind. She resembles MyKiddo but she is "grown up", fingernails done, hair done, looking all pulled together in a casual "I'm a damn college student way." Lord have mercy! So I say to her, in disbelief, "Who do you think you are?" (after hugs and kisses) She just laughed because she knew exactly what I meant.

Let me explain.

I am having a hard time accepting that my daughter is going to graduate from high school next year. I keep telling her she's in the 7th grade, and I don't want to hear anything different. Now, I'm the mom that started taking this kid to college fairs when she was in the 8th grade. I have made it clear that not only will she go to college, she will go away to college. "Be independent. Live your life. You will be on your own soon. Blah Blah Blah." I have always told her she would be on her own after college and how I didn't want her to come back home. Get your own apartment.....house.....car......state.....etc.

Now that the hour is swiftly approaching I'm working my way up to a nervous breakdown. I feel like this time has flown. She grew up so fast. What If I didn't teach her some important thing, what if she doesn't do well. What if she's lonely. What if she goes away and stays away. What if she makes some of the same mistakes I've made. What if she kills someone and goes to jail. What if she gives all of her money away to a homeless person with a sad story. I know it's crazy but I think of these things.

MyKiddo is a well adjusted child. She's smart and even tempered (despite me being the hot head that I am). She will be fine. And she knows her mother. So she knows, "Who do you think you are?" really means, "Do you think you are grown, and you can make it without me? Well sure you can, I taught you to do just that. But, please don't leave me!" I thought only children experience separation anxiety. I'm thinking of following her out of state to college, or feigning some illness that will require her to stay home to take care of me.

I know, I need prayer. You people with children, y'all feel me?